Maressa Nimmo,Jacy Moss,Rachelle Scott
What is divorce? Divorce is typically a painful process for all concerned. It may take time for adults to re gain psychological equilibrium, whether or not children ever recover a stable perspective continues to be debated. In the US divorce rates have been rising since the beginning of the 20th century. The technical definition of divorce is the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage. About half the marriages in the United States end in divorce. Couples divorce for many reasons. Usually divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to excessive fighting, or because the love they had when they married has changed. Divorce can also be because one spouse falls in love with someone else, and sometimes it is due serious problems like abuse, or drinking. Sometimes nothing bad happens, but parents just decide to live apart. It might sound simple but it is not easy for a husband and wife to decide to end their marriage. They often spend a long amount of time trying to solve problems, but sometimes they just can’t fix the problems.
Divorce laws can vary considerably around the world but in most countries the sanction of a court or other authority is required. The legal process for divorce may also involve issues of alimony, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt.
There are many types of divorce, such as:
Absolute divorce is the legal end of a marriage and it ends all legal bonds between two people in regards to being a couple.
A limited divorce is almost similar to separation. Courts generally use limited divorces for people who wish to end their marriage but do not have grounds for an absolute divorce, or couples that need to arrange their finances but cannot settle their grievances on their own. In limited divorce spouses must live seperate and cannot have sexual relations between themselves or with others. Limited divorces also give partners time to settle alimony, child support, child custody, health insurance, and division of property questions before their separation is finalized.
An uncontested divorce is when both parties in an ending relationship reach a mutual decision about the disposition of property, finances, children, and other often contentious issues. Uncontested divorces may seem to be the simple way to get what couples want, they often cause people to waive rights they did not know they had, such as support from pensions, real estate, or other sources of income. Legal advice is critical during even these apparently simple proceedings.
No Fault Divorce
A no-fault divorce is a legal procedure in which neither partner seeks to place blame on the other, and that irreconcilable differences prevent the couple from continuing as married spouses. No-fault divorces spare couples who wish to amicably split up to avoid protracted and difficult custody and property separation battles.
What about the children?
Parents that are getting a divorce are usually very concerned about how it will affect their children. Will their decision affect the happiness and overall health of their child? Divorce increases the risk of children having to suffer from psychological and behavioral problems. The first two years after a divorce are the most important for the children. Children that are going through a divorce and the process after the divorce are painful. They feel emotional conflict. Even if they do not express their feelings, it is important to understand that they are struggling with the divorce. It often depends on how a parent explains divorce to their children as to how they will judge divorce. If it is in a negative way the children are going to feel like they are in the middle of the situation. It is best for the parents to explain why they are separating in a neutral way. The impact of divorce on children is huge. Parents are fighting each other and trying to get the most out of the divorce. They should think about what is best for the children. Not make it a tug-of- war until the child breaks.
In the first few years of a child’s life, their brains are still developing. Children are learning to form relationships and trust the people that take care of them. It is obvious that if the parent’s divorce during the first few years of a child’s life they are not going to remember it. But they might notice the way they act and if they are acting differently. Older infants will notice that one parent is no longer living in the home. They may cry for that parent. Infants may show their feelings through some changes in the way that they act. They may become more irritable or fussy or cry more often. It may be hard for the parents to give the child what she needs because they are too upset at the time.
Toddlers might be able to comprehend some of the words that people use when they talk about divorce. But it is difficult for toddlers to really understand and get the term divorce. Preparing children for divorce when they are so young is very difficult, because they won’t understand things for the future. They do not understand what is happening at the moment. They know that one parent is not living at home. Toddlers might show they are unhappy or upset about these changes by crying often or becoming cranky and fussy. Or they can become aggressive with one of the parents. They may also have trouble sleeping because they do not feel as safe. Children do not feel guilt until around 3 ½ or 4 years, so toddlers probably will not blame themselves for their parents’ separation. During a divorce everyone may be a bit confused. The toddler might notice this confusion. He might also notice that his parents pay less attention, or that schedules have been changed. They might also try to cling or cry when parents drop them off at school or daycare. Children who were comfortable and easy-going with you may now become cranky, anxious, and quiet. On the other hand, some children may also start staying close to adults rather than playing out in the yard with other kids. Their moods may change, swinging between fear and anger, or they may become shy and timid. These are signs that the child is feeling upset or confused.
Early Elementary children
Children from the age 4 to 10 will know that one parent no longer lives at home. Elementary school children begin to understand that divorce means that their parents will no longer be married and live together. They may understand that their parents no longer love each other like they use to. Children in this age group may blame themselves for the divorce or feel guilty. A child could think that the reason their parents are separating is because of them, maybe they misbehaved. Which could cause them to think it was their fault. Children of this age have a better understanding than younger children of how their lives will be different because of the parents’ divorce. They may worry about the changes in their daily lives. They may be sad because of the absence of one parent. Sometimes they may be angry with the parent who left. At other times, they may be angry with the parent who stayed. Preschoolers may be aggressive and angry toward one or both parents. Preschoolers and early elementary children also like to pretend. They might make up stories about how mom and dad are going to get back together. They might also be in complete denial, and not even think that the divorce is really happening. Some children understand but they do not want to believe it, so some hate the word divorce and cringe when it is said.
Not everything about is divorce is negative! There are some positives that can come out of a divorce. If two people truly don’t love each other anymore and fight all the time that is never good for children to see or hear. When children hear fighting and yelling all the time they don’t learn a good strong relationship. Sometimes they may even build a wall around them and seem very aloof because they are scared to get hurt or get in a situation that their parents were in. It is just best for the couple to go their separate ways and be civil with each other, than living an unhappy life together. Many couples realize that love and marriage wasn’t the right decision and decide to go on with life their separate ways. Counseling should be used first to help work out their problems and many couples realize that they were just going though a rough time but, no one can truly make anyone stay in love! They should never be judged or put down for their decision no one knows how their life was together.